Over the course of the pandemic, I’ve grown to appreciate a few things more. Tuning in to how I feel has become not just important to me, but deeply necessary as well. But then there are also times when the last thing I want to do is tune in to how I feel. Which brings me to the importance of spacing out. Tuning in and spacing out feel like two sides of the same coin. That coin is conscious connection—connection with your Self and with the Infinite.
Tuning in, or checking in, happens for me in many ways. Checking in can include meditating while lying down in bed so that I am comfortable and won’t aggravate my back injury. Checking in can include writing about how I feel first thing in the morning—whatever’s on my mind, be it sadness, excitement, grief, or happiness—then silently inquiring, what are my current needs? And I mentally pause and listen. When I hear, sense, or feel my needs, I write them down. This is a great way to begin listening for inner guidance.
Checking in also can include talking on the phone or e-mailing with a friend. And more than ever I love checking in with students at the beginning of yoga class to inquire about how they are feeling and what their needs are for our time together. This simple practice of tuning in to myself or with my students before class has highlighted that noticing our feelings and our needs directly affects the quality of our lives.
Now about spacing out. I just did it! For so long I was judgy about spacing out. Like spacing out was an airhead move. But I’ve learned to see it in a different way. It’s natural to give yourself mental space and to allow your awareness to spread out. Stare out the window and let your attention widen out. It feels like a mental, energetic, emotional counter pose to the high intensity events occurring around us all the time.
Going for a walk and taking in your surroundings—the flowers, the trees, the sky—is a wonderful way to give yourself space. Deep relaxation is an excellent way to feel the spaciousness of your being. Meditation can also feel like spacing out or being attuned to the expansiveness of space, the Infinite. Another way I love to give myself space is to binge watch shows. I love Schitt’s Creek. Laughing is so good. There’s laughing yoga! LOL! There’s laugh therapy—it’s a thing. And there is the saying, “A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.”
This past year has been horrific, and sadly the suffering continues. But as we continue to tune in to ourselves, identify our needs, and evolve our behavior to meet those ever-changing needs, then we are better situated to relate to others. And I love being of service and helping those in need! It gives me a sense of purpose and satisfaction in my life. So yes, I’ve found that the way I can be my best and be of service to others is by taking good care of myself. This is not a new sentiment. Everyone has heard the airline instruction “put on your own oxygen mask before you put another person’s mask on for them.” YES! This is common sense but doing the self-care practice is a whole other experience. Yet in this way we are evolving our relationship with ourselves. Individual evolution is an inside job. And this job can actually feel like it’s your joy.
There are times when frustration and sadness and grief get the better of me. And then I remember what John Lennon said: “There are no problems, only solutions.” Can part of our solution be compassion? Can we be compassionate toward ourselves and soften our thoughts into feeling? Can we be brave and ask ourselves what we need to feel safe, loved, and nourished? Brave enough to be open to allowing our needs to be met in ways both new and familiar? Can we be compassionate toward each other? Instead of judging ourselves or one another, are we able to be compassionate? Being harsh toward ourselves or others is not the answer; being open to receiving what we need to feel safe, loved, and validated is. We all need each other’s support to strengthen and thrive. The beauty of being here on this Earth is the realization that we actually need each other to learn, grow, and evolve.
We are all on the same team, really. Team human beings; team Earthlings; team you + me = WE! When we are in tune with ourselves, then we can be present with another person. Listening to actually listen is the big win for us here! But the challenge may be to sit with another person without putting your own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions onto them. Yes, you can be present without reacting, but that requires making an intentional choice to not judge that person, regardless how you feel. Practice being there for someone without reacting. Just be there for them. It’s that simple.
Listening to how someone is feeling can be so healing. Perhaps after the other person finishes sharing, it may be nice to reflect back to them what you heard them say and ask if you’ve heard them accurately. Or a simple “thank you for sharing with me” is lovely too. To be tuned in is to be authentic, and at times it requires bravery. Bravery is not bravado. Being brave can feel humbling. Being open to another’s experience requires softness and receptivity.
Let’s be there for each other to the best of our ability. Instead of judging imperfections, let’s have each other’s backs. When called to do so, ask, “Do you need help? How can I help?” And if you are able to help, DO IT! If you are unable to help, that’s OK too. Just be honest and say, “I’m sorry; I am unable to help right now.” That’s another opportunity for you to do your best to help yourself. Be compassionate toward you. What do you need? Write it down! Write down what you need to feel supported, or loved, or safe. Then do your best to discover any known or unknown ways to meet those needs. Let’s all do our best to help ourselves and others. I’m rooting for you! Go, TEAM Human BEINGS!
