We all experience difficult situations and emotions. But these difficult experiences can be used for personal growth, learning, and evolution. Just like s#*t is used to grow robust, bright, and beautiful roses, human beings can use their metaphorical s#*t in order to grow as well.
Bravery is required to not just learn about one’s self, but to transform that self-knowledge into growth. Challenging situations can feel pretty bad and can seem like a dead end. But hey, with the help of some metaphorical gloves, dealing with the gnarly stuff can yield beautiful transformation in the form of fresh understanding, increased self-confidence, and more skill in how we show up for our relationships with others and ourselves. Not to mention, if you don’t deal with your difficult feelings, they will continue to come up again and again until you finally do take care of them. The simple yet profound realization is that you are the gardener of your beautiful and amazing life!
Communication and curiosity are essential elements of self-care and evolution. Is there something more you need to know in order to be clear and present within yourself? You can use a simple but profound Question & Answer Meditation to uncover and name what is happening for you. To get the most out of this exercise, try writing your Questions with your dominant hand and your Answers with your non-dominant hand. When you use your non-dominant hand to write the answer, you will access a different part of your brain. Your writing will slow down, which is a great way to tune in to your Answer. Writing with your non-dominant hand may feel awkward or unusual at first. But this is an excellent way to practice being out of your comfort zone, which can help you to break out of the routines and other habits that may keep you feeling stuck.
Prepare for your Q & A Meditation by sitting quietly and tuning into your breath for five minutes, going for a short walk, or doing a brief Yoga practice.
Your Q & A Meditation may look like this:
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) What is the feeling that is coming up?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) Sense what comes up and describe how you feel without thinking about it too much. Do you feel anger, betrayal, sadness, disappointment, fear, or something else?
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) What caused this feeling?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) Sense and feel what is arising and write it all down. There may be more than one thing that caused your feeling.
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) Am I being triggered by a past hurt?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) Explore the past and notice what arises for you intuitively.
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) Is my reaction reoccurring or repetitive?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) Write down your answer and everything that arises, without judgment.
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) What do I need to do to take care of myself?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) Write down everything that arises for you — no matter how big or small. Do not edit yourself.
Q. (Write with your dominant hand) Are there any additional steps that need to be taken to resolve my feelings regarding this situation?
A. (Write with your non-dominant hand) What do you feel you need to do in order to find resolution?
Continue with the Q & A intuitively. As each answer unfolds, be curious about what more you need to know. The next question will arise from your innate curiosity to know more about your Self. When you arrive at a place of feeling increased clarity about the situation and your feelings, your Q & A Meditation is finished.
Additional self-care techniques
When I am handling challenging emotions, situations, or relationships, I do Yoga with my journal beside my mat. Things come up while doing Yoga, and having a journal nearby to record my thoughts and feelings is helpful in self-discovery.
I love going for leisurely walks in nature. Breathing deeply, feeling the air on my skin, and noticing the deeply rooted trees with their broad canopy of branches and leaves, the sounds of birds and insects, or the water rippling with the wind all expand my enjoyment of the feeling of being surrounded by nature.
Friends and laughter
It is always helpful to spend time with a good friend who keeps it real, is a good listener, and is totally not judgmental. And if a friend is not immediately available, laughter also works to lighten the load. Watching a favorite comedy like What About Bob can be medicine too.
And last but certainly not least, I recommend finding a supportive therapist who you feel comfortable talking to.
I would LOVE for you to discover a greater understanding about what validates who you truly are. The truth of who you are is Awesome. YOU ARE AWESOME. Practice not arguing with this fact. If you are not feeling your innate inner Awesome, then something is clouding your perception of the truth of YOU. Do what you need to do to uncover who you are, and be true to your inherent Good. Tend to your soil, compost that s#*t, and LOVE YOUR SELF endlessly.
xo + Love,